* Ceiling of the sky *
* Corners of the earth *
* Dearest friends mostly gone *
* Drink this bottle of stall wine to get a taste of what is left *
* Sun sets beyond the mountains *
Fabulous, fabulous!
Advisor Tang,
Are you talking about the food or the song?
Song is fabulous, food is fabulous too.
All good, all fabulous!
I made a living all around the country.
Brain and brawn have helped me far, that's why I am so unique!
One must learn to live in style!
Governor Ma, with your style and poise,
you remind me of...
A modern-day Liu Bang!
Bullshit!
Liu Bang is a despicable coward!
"Strengths to lift mountains and top the world"
Bullshit!
Bullshit, buillshit.
Advisor Tang,
If you try to kiss my ass
You must first woo my wife!
Write a poem, write a poem in her honour.
It has to talk about wind, and meat.
There has to be hotpot, and fog.
Pretty maidens, and donkey!
Get up!
Let's eat together! Sing together!
Report to the governor! We the cold-blooded eithteenth star army,
will escort the governor safely to the post!
WE!
DO NOT EAT!
You missed?
Let the bullets fly for a while...
No. 2, No. 3 follow me!
Everyone else go catch the horses!
Hotpot?
Dad, We've looked everywhere.
No money, no booty, and no silver.
Only two men here left alive, kill them?
Tell me where's the money hidden?
Or I'll cut off your head,
when the alarm goes off.
Cry!
Crying is counting in your time.
Just tell him whatever you know.
Who might you be, ma'am?
I am Mrs. Governor.
Forgive my rudeness!
So you must be the governor.
I have money! I have money!
I follow the governor to his new post.
The governor drowned, we don't have any right now.
Once we get the job! Once we get the job, we'll have money.
I'll give you another round. Keep talking.
200,000...
- And where is it? - Bought the post with it.
- What for? - To make more money.
- How much? - Doubled.
- How long will it take? - One year.
You want me to fucking wait for a year?
Half, half a year! If lucky, a month will do!
The governor is dead. Who's going to take the position?
- Me. - Who are you?
The advisor.
A fucking advisor dares to pretend to be a governor?
Nobody knows what the governor looks like.
- How many times have you done this? - Twice a year.
- For how many years? - 8 years.
You've made 6.4 million?
He, he did, the governor made 6.4 million!
I'm just the advisor! I only get the pocket change!
- Ever failed? - We use our brains, not brawn.
- Where's the job this time? - Goose Town.
Your train got robbed and your men all dead. How are you going to explain this?
I bought the train, I hired the men, nobody will ask.
Nobody will ask.
Don't! Don't!
Don't take off your mask! Please don't! I know the rules!
No one lives after seeing a bandit's face.
Please let me go, let me go to Goose Town.
I'll give you all the money I make! All of it!
We came to rob a train.
Made not a single dime. Does it sound right?
That's not right.
You lose a life just by taking a peek at me. Does it sound right?
Most definitely not!
Can I borrow those drowned men of yours?
Go ahead! These bullies deserve no better.
Wait, hold on, what can you use dead men for?
Sometimes the dead are more useful than the living.
- Advisor, open your eyes and take a look at me. - No.
- Look at me. - No, no.
- Just take a look. - No, no, no, no, no!
- Advisor, what's your name? - I...
- What's your fucking name? - Last name Tang.
Advisor Tang, I'll be the governor.
You keep doing your job for me.
Let's go take a walk to Goose Town.
Madam, how about a ride?
Well, why not?
Brothers, let's move on to Goose Town!
To Goose Town!
My brothers had a slip of hand,
and caused the unfortunate death of your husband.
I am truly sorry.
I've been a widow for the 4 times already.
Then please don't let the fifth time happen!
That'll depend on if you got what it takes.
Advisor! What's the most important thing about being a couple?
Love!
Can't hear you, say it again!
Loving!
Come, say hello to your new mother.
Lil' Six paying respect to mother!
You make your dangerous living, even take your son along with you?
His late father was my brother.
I took him under my wings.
And you are now my mother!
When we are done with Goose Town,
come with us back to the mountains.
You can still be my mother.
"People go up, water run low!"
Once used to being the governor
living the life of bandits
probably won't be so easy.
"Once saw the ocean, other water will never impress"
Word!
Then what are we gonna do?
(Big bro, I caught the runner!)
(Bring him back from the front, to show everybody!)
What are we gonna do? Keep being governors!
Use your brain, not brawn.
Brains first then muscles, got that?
I got it!
We are now government officials
Can't act like bandits anymore
Advisor, what's the most important thing about being the governor?
Forbearance!
(Goose Town)
You've tried escaping once.
If you dare to play me again...
I get it! Head will roll!
Let's go!
City girls are soo damn white!
(Wanted, Dead or Alive!)
Dad, look!
Look what they've made of you!
The less it resembles me, the safer I am!
Welcome, your honour!
Appointment Warrant!
I hereby commisioned Ma BangDe to be the governor of Goose Town.
Commissioned by the Sa Nan Kang province government.
By the date of the eighth year of the Republic of China, august 28th.
Master Huang has arrived!
Greetings to Master Huang!
This guy Huang SiLang is a mob figure in southern China.
He's in the human trafficing, opium selling business.
Master Huang is too busy at the moment.
So he sends his majordomo, Hu Wan!
And his militia martial coach Wu ZhiChong!
Welcome the governor with respect!
"Visitor with vile intent. "
You ARE the visitor.
Your Master, he's here!
Who?
Yourself!
Long live Your Master Huang!
I am Yang WanLou, paying my respect.
Counterfeits are the good stuff!
Walk a few steps?
Walk a few steps!
Walk with purpose.
Walk swiftly.
Walk pensively.
How she is not scared?
Probably retarded?
Why execute the bandits?
Because they tried to rob the official vehicle, and the governor!
Execute them, to make an example to those
who dare oppose to the government!
The governor has arrived, peace is here!
The governor has arrived, justise is here!
Advisor, great speech!
Remember what I told you?
Sometimes the dead are more usefull than the living?
Definitely, the deads are indeed more useful than the living.
"Full of dominating charisma!"
He's asking for trouble!
He just fucking got here and already started killing.
This is not some wimp we can easily scare away.
"Act first to take control?"
No hurry. Let's play with him a little bit!
No hurry, let's play with him a little bit!
Shut up!
Shut the fuck up!
Take him to the dentist.
Fix him up with gold teeth like mine.
Madam!
The reason I am here,
is to get rich,
not to get laid.
We sleep in the same bed
but no physical contact.
Here's a pistol.
If I have
any misbehavior toward madam
you can shoot me anytime.
But if madam ask for anything,
then yours truly,
would be happy to oblige.
Sleep!
"One day being a couple, hundred days of loving. "
Afterall, I just want to be Mrs. Governor.
Who is Mr. Governor, I don't give a damn!
Come on, don't be so polite.
Am I?
Of course you are.
You call this polite?
You are too polite.
How can I not be so polite then?
Too late!
The previous governors
have already collected all the taxes for the next 90 years!
So everyone has paid up to 2010!
We've come to the wrong place!
Actually I kinda like it here already.
The people here are piss poor, there's nothing to scam.
I never intended to scam the poor.
If you don't scam THEM, where do you get the money?
From whoever has money.
- Have you been a governor before? - Nope.
Let me show you, let me show you!
As the governor, you have to come up with cleaver taxing tricks.
Befriend the rich, collect tax money and donations.
Only when the rich have donated, the townspeople will then follow.
Once collected the money, return the rich's money all back.
We split the townspeople' money 30-70!
How the hell only 70%?
No, the rich get 70%.
Whether we can keep the 30% or not all depends on Huang's mood.
Who's mood?
His!
Him?!
I came all the way here.
Just to watch his mood?
Correct!
I went through all that trouble to rob a train,
- to become this governor. - Correct.
- I have to befriend the rich. - Correct.
- And I have to come up with taxing tricks. - Correct.
- Then I have to fucking watch his mood. - Correct.
How is that different from a beggar begging on my knees?
If you put it that way...
Bribing government positions is exactly just like begging.
Still, so many are waiting in line to be on their knees.
Let me ask you.
Why did I rebel and choose the bandits life?
It's exactly because my legs are too stiff to kneel!
Oh, so you want to make money standing tall,
then you better go back to robbing.
I don't get it now.
I am already the governor.
How am I less than a bandit?
To the townspeople, you are the governor.
But to Huang
you are the beggar begging on your knees.
It's for the money, business. There's no shame.
It's shameful!
Very fucking shameful!
So do you want to stand tall,
or do you want to make money?
I want to stand on my feet, and make the money!
It's impossible.
Impossible?
Impossible!
Can this make money?
Sure, but only as bandit.
Can this make money?
Sure, on your knees.
With this AND this
can I make the money while standing on my feet?
May I dare to ask who are you, brother No. 9?
I am "Pocky" Zhang!
This is not a tree, stop chopping!
This is a court drum, installed during Qiang Long's era.
Totally neglected, it's grown vines all over it
to what it is now.
My dad said it.
If there's a court drum, there must be injustice.
He said he's going to judge a case.
Where is injustice?
Who dares to claim injustice?
It's been here for 100 years.
If you remove the vines and expose the drum,
you don't even know how much trouble you are asking for!
Stop it! Where is your dad?
Sleeping.
With who? How is he still sleeping?
Where's the drum?
I told you not to chop it, see, now the drum is gone!
Drum!
Get away!
Why is it following me?
Help! Help!
Help me!
My wine is ruined!
My good mood is all spoiled because of you!
I am going to mess you up, some other day!
Drum is broken from all the beatings.
Meaning the two of you have so much injustice to claim.
Raise the court!
Who is the victim?
No victim!
If you have anything to say then speak forth.
Otherwise case dismissed!
It's not me, it's martial coach Wu who's the victim!
I'm too blind to have eyes.
I spoiled coach Wu's wine while dodging the drum.
Completely ruining his day.
I need to kowtow and apologise to coach Wu.
Sorry!
I'm not the victim!
Dare to say you are not the victim!
Kneel!
He is Huang's militia martial coach.
You can't ask him to kneel.
In the 31st year of Guang Xu,
I was bestowed a Martial Scholar by the emperor himself.
My official ranking is higher than yours.
You should kneel in front of me!
Kneel!
Kneel or not?
The fuck with your emperor!
Which emperor?
Have I seen him?
If you were a Civilian Scholar,
he should owe you 200 loud kowtows.
Too bad you are only a fucking Martial Scholar.
He only owes you 100 kowtows.
Now his 200 kowtows are done.
You repay him 100 to call it even!
But I only did 2!
It doesn't matter, he owes you 100.
Are you gonna do it?
Beat him!
This is good for shit.
This is more effective.
Please! Stop! I'll do it!
Splendid!
You kowtow, you keep count.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
The righteous governor!
Get up! Kneeling is forbidden!
Even the emperor's gone. Nobody's worthy to kneel to!
I am not worthy to kneel to!
I've only come to Goose Town to get 3 things done.
Justice!
And more fucking justice!
The righteous governor!
Get up! Kneeling is forbidden!
Now, that's right.
Forbid to kneel?
It wasn't my ass he slapped.
He's obviously slapping Your Master's face.
Your Master, just wait until my ass is healed.
I will settle this score for you myself!
Bring me the noodle vendor.
The governor enjoys judging cases.
We are gonna give him some.
Dad, what you did today was awesome.
You beat the crap out of that martial scholar.
Makes me want to become a governor someday.
You won't be a governor.
Nor can you be a bandit neither.
When your dad handed you to me before he passed away.
I promised him to make somebody out of you one day.
So what am I suppose to be?
Be a student, read books, listen to this more.
There's no sound.
These crooked officials, all they care about is money.
Neglected such a fine record player.
It's fixed now.
Once we're done here,
I'll send you studying overseas.
3 years in the east,
3 years in the west,
3 years in the south.
North, and 3 years in the north!
Silly, you were born in the north.
Who played this?
It sounds like... Mozart.
They call him Mozart.
Here we call him MoZhaTe.
You can even tell who's playing?
It depends.
On what?
If his name is printed on the label.
Dad, this Mozart guy.
How did he play the music into this thing?
After you are done studying overseas, you will know everything.
Then where is this Mozart?
Where can I find him while studying overseas?
He umm... is far far away from us.
Do you know what to do?
Yes, I do.
Do you also know who gave you the order?
Yes, I do.
Did I order you?
Yes, Your Master ordered me.
Me!
You?
You, you did!
I did, I did!
I can't hear you!
I wanted to do it myself!
Nobody ordered me, it's all me!
My savior! My savior!
You're addressing me?
Since when have I become your saviour?
You spared my life, you are my great savior!
To repay my mortal debt, I'll save your life for once.
Um? Keep talking.
That widow, you can't sleep with her!
Disaster waiting to strike!
Is she...
really a widow?
She doesn't act like one.
I saw her husband drown with my own eyes.
Well, she's already a widow.
I can not...
let her spend the rest of her life a widow!
This is the first move...
within three moves.
Either tell them to fuck off,
or keep them as dogs.
Your Master, you asked for me?
Have you entertained our new officials yet?
Not yet.
The governor doesn't visit the brothel?
But it doesn't neccessarily make him a good governor.
I don't mess around neither.
That's why Your Master can't be the governor.
I can't be the governor?
How can a governor compares to Your Master?
Governors come and go,
but Your Master will always be Your Master.
You are so sweet with those pretty lips!
They will come eventually. Just remember,
every piece of useful detail they say,
must be reported back to me.
Yes.
Leave now, but don't you get too wild like the Xiao FengXian.
Your Master, who is this Xiao FengXian?
How you call yourself a prostitue and you don't know who she is?
She is the most famous, most renowned, whore!
Off you go now.
The governor must be cuddling with his wife right now.
Most definitely.
Let him enjoy one more night in peace!
The governor's son broke the law!
The teahouse welcomes everyone to hear it!
The teahouse? Why don't they convene at the magistracy?
The magistracy is just for show.
All cases are tried at the teahouse!
Master Six,
you've eaten two bowls of jelly,
but only paid for one.
Bullshit! I ate only one bowl of jelly.
And paid him for one!
How many bowls did he eat?
Two bowls.
Impossible!
Master Six is the governor's godson,
why would he want to cheat you?
But he ate two bowls and paid for one.
The governor brings justice to our town.
Excellent! It is exactly justice that I demand today!
That's right!
Where's justice? Ask the governor's son!
Why he ate two bowls but paid for only one.
This is called injustice!
Since his boy is guilty of unjust,
then the governor's words are nothing but BULLSHIT!
Fuck you!
Master Six...
Master Six is the governor's godson.
Would he cheat over a bowl of jelly?
You saw it with your own eyes?
You piece of trash biting the hands that feed you!
What's wrong with you?
Your ass don't hurt anymore?
Today we don't discuss ass.
We discuss jelly only!
One is one, two is two.
There's no in-betweens!
Master Six, a man! Much respect!
One is one, Two is two!
I ate only one bowl!
You ate two and paid for one.
If you can't afford it,
I'll pay it for you!
See that? I can afford however many bowls I want!
But I pay only for what I ate.
That much money, how many bowls did he eat?
Why didn't you come clean earlier?
He demands justice.
Aren't you taking advantage of an honest man?
Tell me, are you an honest man?
Yes, I am...
Then speak the truth. How many bowls did I eat?
Tell him!
Are you gonna speak or what?
Stop threatening this poor man with a gun!
You think you have a gun? Who doesn't have a gun?
Speak out loud, how many bowls he ate?
Everyone in this teahouse,
will bear witness on your behalf.
Speak out loud, how many?
Two bowls.
You are the worst kind of scum!
You think you are a badass? I can be worse!
Watch carefully now.
If there are two bowls of jelly in my stomach,
I'll die!
If there's only one bowl of jelly in your stomach
I'll die!
If there are two bowls of noodle, I'll die along with Master Six!
Where's the jelly?
The wound is too shallow, I can't see clearly.
Master Six! You are the man!
Jelly is in your intestines, you have to slit it open sideways,
so that we can all see.
Master Six, show us is it one bowl or two bowls.
Slit!
Master Six, bowl!
See it? See it now?
Isn't there only one bowl?
Master Six, hold on! I'll get you a doctor!
Don't leave! Isn't there only one bowl?!
Isn't it?!
Your turn now!
I knew it all along.
You fell for it.
Don't kill him! Can't kill him!
- Let go of me! - I can't!
Give me one good reason why not?
Can't explain and I'll blow your brains out too!
If you kill him, Brother 6 dies in vain!
- I didn't kill him! - What happened?
He stabbed himself!
We had a bet.
He lost.
Let me put a bullet to his head, Big bro, let me put a bullet to his head!
You won't kill me! You can't kill me!
This is exactly what Huang wanted!
He wants you to lose your head.
If you kill him you lose, don't kill him we can still win.
Let him go. You must destroy Huang's soul!
Advisor is right.
Let him go.
With a blade inside the stomach, the jelly is still jelly?
Yes.
No.
I just want to know, is the jelly still jelly!
It is.
Over here.
So.
The man is dead?
Dead.
Did you implicate me?
I was trying to scare them with Your Master's name.
Were they scared?
They said to kill, a person's soul must first be destroyed.
Kill the man is not enough? Soul destruction?
How horrendous!
Lil 6, No. 4 here swear to revenge your death!
Lil 6, No. 5 here swear to revenge your death!
Brother 6, Lil 7 here swear to revenge your death!
No. 2 is drunk, he wanted me to tell you,
No. 2 swear to revenge your death!
Lil 6, No. 3 here swear to revenge your death!
No. 2 isn't drink, he's pissed off!
Big bro doesn't want us to fight.
How are we bandits if we don't fight?
Big bro shouldn't listen to Tang.
He is up to no good.
My brother 6, what Huang is doing is "kill without knives".
I advised your dad to retaliate by destroying his soul.
We can't jeopardise our chance to get rich!
Lil 6...
I do not care about being rich.
I'm not about "destroying his soul".
I must come up with a better idea,
to cleanse Huang off of this earth.
Just give me a little time.
Lil 6, dad swear to revenge your death!
Show your respect!
Have a safe journey, Lil 6.
(chinese hand sign for six)
Which card to play first?
Treat him to a banquet, cut off the head, or throw him to the dogs?
Kill!
Treat a guest!
This invitation is "HongMenYan" trap, a dangerous endeavor.
Our ploy is already working!
I give you another advise.
Postpone! The longer we can stretch it, the more money to be made.
By then it will be Huang himself kneeling outside here.
What the fuck is this trap?
This is mobs inviting bandits.
"Xiong Yu inviting Liu Bang".
Where did Liu Bang end up?
He became the emperor.
And Xiang Yu?
So, we accept?
Accept! Take Huang over to our side at the same time.
The three of us together making money.
(Bring me my guns)
(Dress up like Huang's men, follow me)
Understood!
(Kill that bastard to avenge No. 6)
Understood!
Tang, you use the death of No. 6 as your way to fortune?
I think I can use you to make more.
What are you talking about?
Let's go! To meet your new friend.
Attention!
Your Governor, and advisor! What an honor!
Apologize for the lack of courtesy!
Master Huang's castle is such a masterpiece of work.
What a formidable fortress!
The governor is courageous, The advisor is intellegent.
What a perfect combo! Please!
Master Six has died heroically.
Today I've invited the governor here,
so that I can settle the grudge!
If they were really following my orders,
I will follow Master Six's footstep,
and rip my guts in front of you!
Not only that, I'll ask to have Your Governor's honor,
to be my beheader.
Cut off my head, and raise it high atop of my castle!
But just in case if it wasn't me,
those who slandered me,
and shamed you in the process...
will have to kill themselves.
Either the three of you die, or speak against me.
I'm ready to die any moment.
Master Huang, I heard they used the short blade for seppuku.
The long blade belongs to the beheader.
Is that so?
You are indeed good at this!
Your Governor can be my beheader anytime!
Governor Ma, please!
My governor's position was bribed.
Sole purpose is to get rich.
BUt I don't like taking money from the poor.
Then who's money do you like to take?
Whoever has money!
Then who has money?
You have money.
Straight to the point! Whatever you like here.
Anything, take as you please.
I'm not a bandit! I am a governor.
A governor requires good reason in order to make money.
You got that right!
Goose Town has two big families.
They are all in the business of selling workers to America,
to help building railroads,
profiting dollar!
Still talking about blades. (blades in chinese: "Dao")
No, dollar, the American currency.
Dollar, arrived. (similar sounding in chinese)
Master Huang once arrived, money is here!
Shall we drink a round.
Please.
Master Huang is so modest.
Within the whole entire southern China, who doesn't know
that in Goose Town,
Master Huang is our real boss!
The boss is only an empty title.
Everyday my eyes open, hundreds of mouths are waiting to be fed.
Waiting for me to provide.
How much are really left for myself afterall?
If Your Governor really needs some quick cash,
I know the place to go to.
Oh? Please continue!
Pocky Zhang!
For real?!
Pocky Zhang?
That's right, Pocky Zhang!
Then does he have anything to do with us?
Or has he anything to do with money?
Both!
Oh? Is he here in Goose Town?
Yes.
But also no.
Master Huang is puzzling us with riddles!
Then where the hell is him?
Allow Master Huang explain to us?
Explain to us.
This guy controls all the major roads outside of Goose Town.
- Understand? - I don't.
- Do you understand what business I'm in? - I don't.
Just a tad short of half the Republic's opium trafficing,
is controlled by Master Huang.
Wrong! I'm only running errands for General Liu.
And I'm only one of his legs.
Then how many legs does General Liu have?
- Of course 3. - Really?
Master Huang is the big leg!
Right! Big leg!
But me, this leg,
is now broken!
How did it happen?
Eight times out of ten, my goods are robbed by Pocky Zhang.
Go figure how much money he's made?
Then this Pocky Zhang must be rich as hell!
Is it real?!
If you can squash the bandits,
you can have as much money as you want.
We don't have the balls to go after bandits.
But we do have the balls to use it as an excuse to scam money.
Actually, quite big balls in that case!
Then don't blame me if you ain't got the balls.
But, I can still help you.
I'll provide the money as a bait.
How much I come up with, the two families must also come up with.
That's exactly what we've been waiting for! Enough!
So can you give 800 thousand?
No! I give you 1.8 million!
Invest more, profit more!
Understood! After the dust settles,
1.8 million returns all back to you.
We split the money from the two families!
There's no need to pay him back!
You want to crush bandits? Crush 'em!
We are going to take back all the money robbed by Pocky Zhang,
and return it to Master Huang.
By then,
this puny 1.8 million is nothing by comparison.
Would you still mind?
It's just a bandit Zhang! Crack him down!
Tough!
- Am I? - Very tough!
Tough or not, we can talk later!
All I'm thinking right now is one thing only.
That is to fix the leg for master Huang!
How dare Zhang, an outlaw bandit,
Taking a dump on Master Huang's head. It's not gonna happen!
Let's top up.
I'm not finished yet.
I'll drink myself.
I think, we should drink wine one sip at a time.
Walk the road one step at a time!
If you stride too big,
You tear your balls.
We should make sure money is split clearly first.
Then we can talk about fixing the leg business.
You want to talk about dollar? Not about fixing leg?
Then the two of you should keep talking.
Advisor, it's up to you.
Let's talk dollar first.
When we got the dollar, common practice, 30-70 split.
What kind of cheap ass gesture is that?
Master Huang works his ass off to make it work.
And you only give him 30% cut?
At least it's got to be 50-50!
My bad, I'm wrong.
You are way wrong!
- Advisor! - Ya.
We should listen to the governor, 50-50.
That's great!
If you really got what it takes to fight the bandits,
then the dollars from two families,
worth nothing.
- Nothing! - How is that nothing?
You have talked the talk.
Can you walk the walk?
How do I know if you can overcome Zhang?
Master Huang, allow me to raise a humble question.
- Please. - Bandit Zhang can rob your goods.
Why can't he get in your home?
This castle of mine is impregnable.
There's no way he can penetrate!
Are you sure,
only me and advisor got inside your castle?
He wants us to retreat.
Retreat? Are we?
Retreat!
(Roger, but we are worried about you!)
- Did you hear that? - I heard it.
Where Pocky Zhang can't penetrate, I can!
I can kill him when he is least expecting it.
Another one dead!
You guys can speak up against me now!
Don't mistreat yourselves!
Governor Ma,
I knew it all along, you are special.
I'm flattered.
But those brave enough to go after the bandits,
hardly ever come back.
Oh? How so?
Pocky Zhang isn't your typical bandit.
20 years ago we had a faceoff.
Isn't that fate?
How did it happen?
He stood by a lantern and turned towards me,
and I was standing in the shade.
One in the light.
One in the dark.
So it was right there and then.
Just like right here right now.
Such a similarity?
Similar! Very similar!
But you lack something from him.
You arn't talking about the pocks, are you?
Of course not.
Then what is it?
You don't know how to act a fool.
Precise! Bro!
By the time I was still in my mother's womb,
the fortune teller pointed at her belly and said.
This kid's biggest shortcoming in the future,
is that he doesn't know how to pretend to be stupid.
Bro, can I still change?
You can't change what is natural!
Take a look at our advisor, the master at acting a fool.
He mistaken dollar with blades. What is dollar?
American currency, US dollar!
You see there! A natural born talent at acting a fool!
Advisor, I salute you!
Thank you Master Huang for your high praise!
Please allow me to really act a fool for this one time.
After defeating the bandits,
we'll take just 20% of any opium recovered.
No way! 50-50!
To show my sincerity, and to wish you a successful campaign,
1.8 million will be provided immidiately!
We haven't done anything worthy, it's too early to take payment.
Dai Yu, Qing Wen!
No, bro, I can't take women neither.
You don't want women, you don't want money either.
What the hell do you want?!
Leg!
What leg?
The heroic righteous leg!
Your leg is my leg.
Your leg is my life.
The saying goes, there was no road,
with legs you can walk out a road!
I got you, I got you.
I get it too.
Useless trash!
"Flowers will blossom another day,"
"But men don't get to be young again. "
Such a lovely young girl.
What's so mad about!
I wish we had only met earlier!
Girl and the diamonds, all yours!
Nah, I'm here with my wife.
It's not appropriate for me to take another girl.
Then please give the diamonds to Mrs. Governor.
Excellent! Let me hold on to them for her.
Get up now.
Didn't you call Dai Yu and Qing Wen?
Why only one girl came?
Don't tell me her name is Dai Yu Qing Wen?
I told you don't know how to play stupid.
I gave her a japanese name.
Dai Yu Qing Wen Zi!
All dead now!
Advisor, brilliant!
Governor, tough!
Master Huang, brilliant and tough!
Are you the bandit Zhang or not?
Let's say if you are...
You cutoff General Liu's trade routes.
Made so much money.
Why bother being a governor?
Say if you aren't...
Savior?
Tonight, we "kill the chicken and retrive the eggs"!
The governor must die in his own bed.
Don't kill him on his way home,
after dining as my guest.
Understood!
Who is "the chicken"?
The governor.
And "the eggs"?
You want us to cutoff his balls?
Diamonds!
My two precious diamonds!
Don't worry, Your Master, about your diamonds.
I'm going to get them back right away!
Do you understand why I send you on this mission?
Because I'm dead.
Why were you dead?
I shouldn't have implicated you.
Correct! If you are alive, you'll die sooner or later.
But if you are dead,
you may live on forever!
Understood.
"Kill the chicken, retrieve the egg!"
Advisor, where's big bro!
He's on the back of the horse, drunk.
Where is him? Where?
We were just talking a moment ago.
I must be drunk too.
I'll sort you out later.
Maybe he was dropped somewhere?
I heard you've been sleeping?
Raise your head when speaking to me.
I heard you've been sleeping yesterday?
I sleep every fucking night!
Look at me when talking to me.
I heard you've been sleeping around with the bandit?
I did! And don't you want to know how we did it?
Right, how?
A girl from the brothels meets a man of bandits,
any position is possible.
What are you shiishing at?
You shameless cunt bitch whore!
What did you call me?
Cunt, bitch, whore, cunt!
If only I had more time,
I'd give it to you good!
Come on! Show me!
Show me whatchu got!
All you got left is that yapping mouth!
You useless old horndog!
If it weren't for my money,
who's gonna bribe a governor's job for you?
Don't piss me off!
I actually think that bandit is pretty capable.
What is he capable of?
More capable than you.
He's good at getting drunk!
These will make your day!
Lil 6, Huang lost three dogs today.
I know, dog life won't equal your life.
I was going to take the brothers,
to fight Huang til the last man,
to revenge your death.
But I changed my mind midcourse.
Fight til the last man standing won't get the job done.
We can't lose any more of our brothers.
Big bro, we're looking for you.
Why did you signal retreat?
Once Huang heard your whistles,
my absolute safety was ensured.
So...
Leave me, I want to be with lil 6 alone for a while.
I finally figured it out today,
why I chose the life of bandits in the first place.
Exactly because I couldn't afford to fuck around with those bastards.
But I must take them on at their own game now,
and to win for you.
What?
Stole my diamonds, huh?
Are they yours to take?
They are for Mrs. Governor.
Now which one of us is the governor?
Huh?
Who's the governor?
I'm asking you, who's the governor?
Are you going to kill me?
Or are you going to sleep with me?
Is there any difference?
Totally different!
Then we sleep first, kill later!
Then you'd better kill me now.
I don't sleep with dead bodies!
I can't take advantage of a widow drunk as I am,
so I'll just sleep next to you,
not with you.
Can't believe I got fooled by you!
Both you and martial coach Wu faked your deaths, right?
That's right!
Why pretend to be bandits?
We are bandits, Pocky Zhang is my big brother.
- Oh? Then what number are you? - No. 3.
Hey, No. 3, you got famous. Someone's pretending to be you!
Stop wasting time with him, big bro.
Lil 6 is dead because of him. Let me shoot him once and for all.
Did your brother Pocky Zhang send you?
Or was it Your Master Huang who send you?
I want the right answer!
Master Huang.
Why?
He wanted us to loot the town dressed up as bandits.
In order to force you to wage war against them.
Con the rich, scam the poor.
And then?
- That's it. - Really?
I really don't know anything else!
Why were you targeting guns at my bed?
Master Huang said you had such a dominating chrisma about you.
- Huh? - You are dangerous!
Bring him a message for me, tell him.
How he likes to fake deaths,
is just perfect 'cause I like people to die a few more times.
You are going to let me go, again?
He will only understand your words.
But who are you really?
That's right, Pocky Zhang.
But you got no pock on your face.
Does Huang have four written on his face?
Ahh, I get it.
Brother,
my true identity as Pocky Zhang,
- You must keep it a secret forever. - Forever!
I told you I won't be good at the governor's job!
But you insisted bribing the job for me!
Now the job's taken away!
Even you are gone!
What is it?
Huang and his men are here.
Wanting to fight bandits with us.
She is my wife!
I am the governor!
Let him in.
I am Ma BangDe!
How is the governor? How is the governor?
Catch the bandits! Don't let even a single one escape!
Goddamned bandits!
What have they done!
The governor has just arrived here, now along with his wife...
I told you I won't be good at the governor's job!
But you insisted bribing the job for me!
Now we have the job,
but you are gone!
She is my wife!
I am the governor!
I am Ma BangDe!
You're too hot-headed.
You shouldn't have shot those bandits.
They are bound to revenge.
Don't cry, don't cry.
She died for Goose Town.
She deserves a proper funeral.
All the local families must attend.
They will all be here, I'll make arrangement.
(Here lies Madam Governor)
According to our father and his grace and kindness,
please allow our sister, and our brother,
to relieve them of their mortal burdens.
We place them in earth with gratefulness.
They were originally dust.
Now they are back to dust.
We know, all life forms are,
in the hands of our loving Holy Father.
To whom he promises eternity...
We are Pocky Zhang's men!
We are ruthless!
Don't move! Don't move!
Sorry to scare everyone.
We are here today only to find a few people.
Huang! Heads of two families! Step forward!
Hu Wan?
Father, sorry about that.
All my dear locals.
What will happen next has nothing to do with you.
Leave!
Bag him in!
Get up!
Hero! I am the governor here.
Take me for hostage.
Can you shut up already!
We spare you to deliver our ransom.
Within three days, with money collected, we let the hostages go!
No ransom, they're dead!
- Shoot me! Shoot me! - No, don't, don't!
You're asking for it.
Beat him up!
Want to be a hero?
This is what you get.
What the hell are you doing with my No. 9 mask?
Don't mess it up for me!
Put it on. Take them away!
Will we pay?
It's him! No. 3!
Box in.
No ransom no release!
Please contain yourself!
1, 2, 3!
Huang is in there.
1, 2, 3!
When you cried like me with my wife in your arms,
you've planned this already!
You got brutes and smarts!
3 days, no money and the hostages will die!
Remember, I am No. 9!
That was quite a show.
- Does it look real? - Yup.
It'd look even more real if there's blood!
Right!
Is this entirely neccessary?!
Is it neccessary? Is it neccessary?
Shoot! Shoot them!
Don't! Stop shooting!
Hurry up to prepare the ranson money!
If they don't get the money in 3 days they will kill the hostages!
Kill! Let them kill!
Must let them kill!
That's exactly what my body double was hired for.
I will not pay a single dime of the ranson money!
But the two families' money,
will probably go through your hands.
Don't worry about me, brother!
Must not worry about me!
Your Master, I suspect Hu Wan turned to bandit Zhang's camp.
You must find Hu Wan!
Dead or alive, I want to see his body.
A body double is so marvelously useful!
You gotta find me one of those.
Pocky Zhang, have you no shame?
The game's up!
Is it?
It's over.
Why do I feel like it's just begun?
Release them.
Keep it as a souvenier.
Don't ever turn your backs, now fuck off!
Madam, if you had left just a few more days later,
you'd have seen this yourself.
If she didn't die, this money will never make it to this table.
That's right, we have this money at the cost of her life.
Are you saying our Lil 6's life doesn't count?
It's not the same.
- How the fuck is it not the same? - Wife!
- Who's wife? - My wife!
What about your wife?
My wife was killed by Huang.
Your brother 6 committed suicide!
Here's one fucking bullet for you!
how dare you, you want a taste of this!
No. 2, put the gun down.
Don't point your gun at me!
I've seen bandits, I've never seen bandit who pumps irons!
What the f...
What are you all laughing at, don't laugh, don't laugh.
What I meant was, the way your Brother 6,
the way he did, like this, that was heroic.
Yup, a hero.
My wife, she went asleep and never woke up.
Don't cry advisor, she was a hero too.
- Brothers, why were we here in the first place? - For the money!
- Do we have the money now? - Sure.
- Then let's leave! - Let's leave!
Then why do you keep crying?
I can choose not to.
Big bro, when are we leaving?
We're not.
It's not Huang's money.
Come on, big bro, the two families' money ain't money?
What I want is Huang's money!
You don't scrape money from the poor,
you don't want money from the rich neither.
Lil 6, madam, two lives.
Must be paid in full by Huang.
You want to risk it all, this is gambling!
This is gamble?
Yes, it is! And you can't win!
We're not leaving.
We don't need this money either!
Give them away.
Wait... big bro.
Just say who do you want us to give this money to.
Give 'em to the poor!
But, who are the poor?
Those in dire need.
Oh my God!
You had the No. 9 mask on when you robbed me.
What number is mine?
Feel it for yourself.
No. 1.
Fun, isn't it?
Brilliant!
- I see, you just want to play God, right? - Exactly!
What has it got to do with fighting Huang?
If you can play God, how can you not be able to take down Huang?
Wait a minute, I know this place.
I know it too.
Then let's give them some money.
Wait! What?
Big bro ordered, only to the poor! She's not poor.
Well, you tell me, who's the poor?
The poor? Must be those forced to sell their children!
That's her! She was sold to brothel by her parents!
You are right!
So it turns out the governor's men are the bandits!
We've come to give you money.
Kill! No option!
Whoever sees a bandit's face has to die.
It's your own rule.
Advisor.
The first one to see our faces
was you!
Come on, let's not fight ourselves when there's unfinished business.
Especially for a woman.
The day I came to the town, you were leading the drum squad.
Girl, what's your name?
My humble name is Hua Jie.
Your last name isn't Huang?
No, Huang bought me.
Those posters at the town entrance.
You know what those are?
Bounty offers for Pocky Zhang.
I am Pocky Zhang.
The bandits were behind this.
Whoever wear masks are the bandits?
We have masks too.
Then it's the governor!
Giving money away to the poor?
Does it look like something a crooked governor would do?
Today, I want you all to dress up as bandits.
Exactly like them.
What they give out, you take away.
Mess them up!
Understood!
I'll have him checkmate in three moves!
Your Master, we've made 3 moves already.
Sure?
Lil 6's death, "kill the chicken, retrieve the egg... "
Those were the old moves.
We are moving onto three new moves now.
First, go to the capital to check out the governor's background.
He doesn't act like someone who'd buy a post.
At least, it's not his real name!
Have you found Hu Wan?
Hu Wan? Not yet.
How can you possibly tell me you still haven't found him!
Don't worry Your Master, I will find him, continue to find.
Do you have any idea,
how much I miss him?
Master Huang ordered us to mess up their plan.
Let's show how we can mess things up!
You got the money?
Yes, we got it.
Then how are you going to thank us?
However you want, anything.
However we want? You said it! Good!
Get over there and watch.
You know why we gave you the money?
Because you are kind to us.
Kind to you?
Not nearly kind enough!
Governor, we want justice!
This is fucked up! Fucked up!
Even rabbits know better not to eat the grass around the hole.
Six of you, even in front of her husband.
and in broad daylight!
Disgusting!
Even I turned the lights off!
You can take care of this sort of business with money!
Spend some money!
Visit a brothel!
It doesn't cost all that much!
You don't even have to be discreet.
This is pure bandits behavior.
Even worse than bandits!
And you wanted the people to praise your kindness?
I have nothing to say but disgusted!
Our scheme is now in ruin!
Disgusting! Disgusting!
Nauseating! Revolting!
So disgusting!
Big bro you know me.
When it comes to this sort of thing,
I enjoy being passive.
Big bro you know me.
I am a lone wolf,
always acting on my own.
Big bro you know me.
If it were me,
no witness would have lived to tell about it.
Big bro you know me.
Even though I'm the oldest,
I... until this day, I... am,
commonly refered to as the virgin.
Don't look at me.
Big bro, you know me.
If I did it,
then the one laying on the table,
should've been her husband.
I get it, you are all masters of various trades
But...
Somebody's been lying to me.
Who? Who?
Tang!
How could he overlook the obvious?
Obviously that motherfucker Huang is behind this scam.
Tang's acting weird today.
Something's up.
Tang, get out! Get up! Stand up!
Who have you been having dinner with lately?
You met with Huang?
Don't move! Legs up!
- Who is that? - A boy, my child!
- Your child? - Mine!
You're a child?
How old are you?
Eight!
Get out!
This is a fucking eight year-old kid?
Nobody believes! Even I don't believe it!
By three he was as tall as his mom.
By five he was my height, now he's eight!
Screw you! Screw you!
Ma! Ma!
Screw you!
Who dare to hit my boy!
Screw you!
This is your real mom?
My ma.
This is your real dad?
My family none of your damn business! Screw you!
Sister! What the hell is this?
I'm here for money, I won't leave if he don't pay up.
No pay, no leave.
This old lying bastard.
He ran a coal mine in ShanXi 8 years ago.
Not only did he con money,
he conned me of my body.
He's dishonest.
He owed a shitload of debt.
And just took off like that.
All the creditors came knocking on my door.
They kidnapped my six-year-old.
If I don't pay them they are gonna kill my baby!
- That one isn't mine! - Yes, he is.
- No, he's not. - Yes, he is!
Yours, I counted the days!
He scammed people money.
Creditors want you to pay back.
Kidnapped your younger boy as hostage.
Kidnapped.
If you don't pay they kill him.
That's right, that's why I need money!
Give her!
Money! The stones...
Over here.
Sister, we've met only for the first time.
Nothing better to give you.
I don't want stones. Without money I won't leave!
You stupid...
These diamonds are worth a fortune!
No kidding?
Bicycle.
You can ride that?
We rode one once in Shanghai.
You two've been to ShangHai?
PuDong.
I don't believe it, it can't be balanced!
Come, give it a try.
Hop on!
Hold on to your seat!
But bicycle made of flesh!
Have I come to the wrong place?
Or is it a bad time?
Serve your customers.
They're my customers.
Hey, we're here first.
Have they paid? Can you take bicycle as payment?
Show them out!
Last time I gave Your Master lots of money.
What money?
Money thrown in from the window?
Didn't the bandits do that?
Are you saying these two are bandits?
They are not bandits, they are the governor's men.
You dare to use the bandits' money as their payment?
Shut up! Let her go first, hurry up!
"Hero rescues beauty!"
Even if they were heroes, I'm no beauty.
Even if I were beauty, they are not heroes.
Your Master, they are still customers.
Here's tonight's money, I'm paying for them.
You taught me yourself,
customers are always supreme!
Isn't that right?
Correct!
In this case, it's not "hero rescues beauty".
It is "beauty rescues hero".
You've almost become Xiao FengXian.
You've just pissed him off.
He doesn't need to be pissed off.
If he wants you dead,
you die!
Why didn't I just kill him right there?
That would be the end of it.
Don't be silly!
Big bro had word, we save him for his money!
Since it's money you are after, then...
why are you all over the place giving it away?
Is this color okay?
Put the umbrella away.
The red is enough... um... come over here.
Green first, then apply red.
Okay, I get it.
- You get it? - Got it, got it.
Don't forget to lock up.
- Take shovels with you. - Understood.
- Six shovels! - Got it.
Big bro, how do I look?
Hair is good, face is red enough, come over here.
A dead man's face is green.
Add some other colors,
and it becomes this kind of red.
- Got it. - You got it now?
Yap.
Green.
Over here.
Green is the foundation.
Add some of that and it should be right!
Ooohh, I see.
Got it?
Shovels like these?
Shorten them and put them in the bag.
- How short? - To fit inside bags.
Ohh, fit the bags.
Hurry up, six of them.
Where are you going like this?
What's with the makeup?
You are not running away, are you?
Are you coming with us? We are going to give more money away.
That's a waste, I'm not going!
- Sure you are not going? - No!
Then let me tell you.
This time, I might be able to come back.
I might not be able to come back.
If I return,
you run with me.
If I don't return,
you run by yourself.
Where, where are you going? Aren't you just giving out money?
We are.
Also,
around midnight,
someone may visit you.
Whatever he wants to talk about,
just keep him talking.
However he wants to talk, is how you talk.
But...
be slow, be confident,
the slower the better.
You saw it yourself?
Yes, I saw it myself!
You saw it yourself that the governor led his men himself?
I saw it myself!
You saw it yourself that the governor led his men to distribute money himself?
I saw it myself!
- What's the number of his face mask? - No. 9!
Excellent! Tonight we don't rob, we kill!
- Kill who? - The governor with mask No. 9!
We don't need masks to kill the governor!
Your Master just wait here to examine the body.
Get back here! Put on the masks!
"Firefight with bandits,
intrepid Governor killed!"
Doesn't it sound so nice!
Watch carefully, what number is their leader?
No. 9!
Everybody switches to No. 4!
No. 4 are our own, everybody else must be dead!
You saw the number of their leader?
No. 4.
Do you know what number mask should we wear?
Understood.
Kill No. 9 first! Go!
Master Huang, why are you here?
Can I not visit the magistracy?
Light it up!
You tried to set me up with this empty town trick, so here I am.
Sit.
Where's the governor?
Everyone is No. 4, can't spot a target!
Don't know who to shoot!
Standing outside in a thundering rain, doesn't feel right.
Totally wrong!
Shall we rearrange another time?
Let's split!
How?
Back to where you from.
Alright, back to where we from.
1, 2, 3, split!
Listen, gun fires then somebody dies.
Somebody dies then somebody mourns.
Mourning will lead to confessions.
Confess!
You have three confessions to make.
I shouldn't give your diamonds to others.
Not this one.
I suggested "to kill someone, first destroy his soul".
Not this one neither.
We should've invited you to our HongMenYan dinner.
HongMenYan dinner?
Your Master...
I can't hear you!
Bandits scuffled among themselves in the town.
Six dead! Our men are all safe!
Advisor, come take a look.
Your saviour may be among them.
No, you are my savior.
Since I am your savior.
then listen to your savior, go take a look.
Take a look.
Light it up.
What the hell!
What the hell! What the hell!
It's Hu Wan!
Hu Wan?
How could it be Hu Wan?
This is weird.
They are all our men!
Bandits?
Where are the bandits?
Hu Wan is the bandit!
The bandit is Hu Wan!
Who killed the governor's wife, kidnapped the locals.
Disturbed the lives in Goose Town,
is Your Master Huang's Hu Wan!
I wonder why you never came up with the bandit fighting fund.
You may even be the bandit chief himself!
You point your gun at me.
You want to have a showdown with me?
Did you all see!
This is the result of joining the bandits!
Even if it were my own father he must die!
Death is what you deserve!
Bandit Hu Wan has been executed by Master Huang for 5 more times.
You want to show justice?
Or to make sure he's dead?
Only "Pocky" Zhang would want to silence him.
If you'd only wanted to show justice,
why not fund my expedition instead.
That's great!
You shall receive a nice surprise in 3 days.
Advisor Tang, he was Hu Wan's savior.
Now he's also your savior.
Could you translate it for me.
What is a surprise?
Translate, what is a surprise?
Does it require translation? It is what it is.
I want you to translate for me, what is a surprise.
No need for translation, it's a surprise.
Don't you understand what a surprise is?
I just want you to translate, what is a surprise!
A surprise!
Translate for me!
What the fuck is a surprise!
What the fuck is a fucking surprise!
What the fuck is a surprise?
The surprise is, in 3 days,
I will provide you with 1.8 million to fight off the bandits.
Patch up my leg!
Is that clear?
That's what a surprise means.
Now translate.
Translate!
A surprise is, in 3 days,
he gives you 1.8 million to fight the bandits,
fix his leg.
Oh that's the fucking surprise you're talking about!
I'd love to wait 3 days for you.
Good.
Master Huang,
advisor Tang is my beloved one.
You shouldn't be stealing my love.
I know, I know.
Lil 6.
Our plan is almost accomplished.
Call it 70% done.
Now I'm sending No. 2 outside of the town,
to wait for us at Green Rock valley.
I will deliver what I promised.
Know what you have to do?
Yes.
With this 1.8 million,
I think lil 6's death has been perfectly revenged.
It's just what I think.
Not only lil 6, my wife's score can be written off as well.
You can't be serious about fighting Huang till the last man standing, my savior.
I'm not your savior, Huang is your savior.
You are, he's not!
You really believed I was dead, didn't you?
No! Abosolutely not!
- Sure? - Never crossed my mind!
I am in complete awe of you.
"Turning a fox into a prince. "
Out of nowhere Hu Wan magically appeared!
But there's one thing I don't understand.
Ask.
Six bodies.
Such a long distance within such a short time frame.
And the makeup. How did you make it happen?
Huang and I arrived at the scene by running all the way.
You were carrying six bodies.
There's not enough time!
They weren't buried at the magistracy.
The bodies were buried there all along.
I ensure the standoff was at their burial site.
That's where I led Huang to.
So you really are Pocky Zhang?
Sit!
My last name is Zhang.
I know.
Given name is MuZhi.
Nice name!
The name implies governorship.
You father must have high hopes.
After graduating from military academy,
I've followed general SongBu.
I was his pistol squad leader.
How old were you then?
Seventeen.
Bright future ahead of you at a young age.
And then General was injured during the LuZhou battle.
A little bit later, he died in exile in Japan.
I came back alone.
Right in the middle of warlords fighting each other,
tearing up the country.
I had no other choice but the life of bandit.
So my name MuZhi got turned into MaZi, the "pocky".
What a shame! Such a beautiful name.
People don't want to believe,
that a bandit have an intelligent name.
They'd rather believe it's "pocky".
People especially want to believe,
on his face,
there should be fucking pocks.
People can be so ignorant.
My story began like this...
That year I was 17.
She was 17 as well.
Save it! I don't want to hear your story.
I don't usually tell others these hearty stories.
It's right on the tip of my tongue, you want me to swallow them back?
Swallow them back.
Because you speak only lies.
You are a liar.
I don't know about the north,
here in south, there are only two such landmines.
A collector's edition.
1910.
Bang! A blast!
And everything's in smithereens!
That's why,
without taking a few lives along,
it would be an utter despicable waste!
Well...
Where's the other mine?
- Blasted! - Blasted?
The very first blast of the XinHai Revolution!
Oh, I see.
It blew up at XinHai.
XinHai is not a place, it's a revolution, the revolution of 1911!
If you'd said it earler I'd have understood.
Let's talk about this one then.
Who allowed you to ask about that one?
That's why, this one must blast through the sky,
and through the earth, even make the gods and demons shiver!
Got it.
Pick a good spot.
Pick a good time.
Then...
Who to blast?
You should've asked,
where to blast.
Where to blast?
On the way to fight bandits.
So soon fighting bandits again?
Now this time can I get a bigger cut?
You can have it all if you're the real Pocky Zhang!
Understood, I'm the fake Pocky.
Whatever Your Master give me is a gratitious gift!
Then, when to blast?
When to blast is the third step.
Allow me to finish the second step.
Nobody moves!
Let her speak!
No. 2 left without saying a word.
Now No. 3 is leaving.
You are tearing us apart!
Heroine, are you here for No. 2 or No. 3?
Shut it!
I understand your LEFT hand intention,
I understand your RIGHT hand intention,
But both hands together... I don't get it.
Either I get what I want, or I die!
AB type. (psychological)
Shut it!
Everyone sit down.
I want to talk to her.
- You were baught by Huang? - Correct.
- Did he ever hit you? - He did.
- Did I ever hit you? - No.
- Do you hate him? - Yes.
- Do you hate me? - No.
And you don't point a gun at him,
you point a gun at me?!
Because you are a good man.
What?
What kind of fucking logic is that?
So a good man deserves to be pointed by a gun?
Hua Jie, big bro is right!
Get back! Sit down!
You sons of bitches!
I asked you to give the money to the poor.
And you gave it to her?
See, what did I say? Nobody listened!
Shut up! You old lying bastard!
Always plotting to swindle me.
Working with Huang behind my back.
When a bandit meets a mob,
it couldn't get any simpler!
You'll made it into this pile of mess!
And you dare to point a gun at me!
Can't hold a gun, can't be a bandit!
I can point a gun at you.
I got balls, right?
Which one of you fucking geniuses gave her this idea?
Who?!
I told her as a joke.
You want to join the bandits?
Of course! I want to join you guys to give away money.
Throw the money pouch into windows and hear them laugh.
Well you are one now.
I'm not prepared yet.
No need to prepare.
Did you all prepare?
Nah.
Did you prepare?
Of course not, I was eating hotpot and singing.
Suddenly I dropped into water,
and here I am.
We are going to leave Goose Town.
You stay here.
No!
You are now one of us, you have to follow orders.
Big bro is right.
What he said earlier was right too.
I have an important assignment for you.
I think you are the perfect fit.
This is the surprise!
Definitely a surprise.
I knew it wasn't his real name!
With this surprise,
my second step of the plan can be completed with even more ease.
Ease?
Stealing official position, back in the empire days,
that's an automatic death sentence for the entire family.
Your Master, just wait here.
I'm going to finish him up with a bullet to his brains!
Before they die.
I have to have some fun with these two monkeys!
But my master,
these two monkeys aren't worthy!
Got to play them! I have to play them!
Without them, how am I supposed to scam the two families' money?
Without playing them, how could they go off to fight bandits willingly?
Without fighting the bandits, how could they step on my mine?
Huang has a body double.
Looks exactly like him.
I can't figure out which is Huang.
Which is his body double.
Take a look for me.
He's fake!
He's not Huang.
I've already told you I'm not him.
I'm really not him.
Most definitely not.
Please let me go, let me go.
Keep an eye on him until our return.
If you have to, use your guns.
I've never used a gun.
No. 3, you teach her.
Is that your photo?
It is me!
Are you sure?
Yes.
I was thinner back then.
This is not you.
You say that's not me?
No.
I don't think so either.
It's definitely not fucking me!
Then what is this all about?
I want to demand an explaination too.
I bribed a governor's job.
I've got to have some documentations, right?
I went to the shop to get my photo taken.
When I picked them up,
that's the one they gave me.
I told them it wasn't me, they said it was me.
I said it wasn't me, they insisted it was me.
What do I gotta do, that's the one I used.
Oh, so that's how it is.
Oh come on now.
That's obviously me!
I am the real Ma Bangde!
Oh, so that's how it is.
It is! I was ambushed by bandits on my way here.
He saved my life.
So I let him take the post.
After all, he is my own nephew.
Uncle, how could you tell him that?
Shut up!
Master Huang must've been laughing, but I've traveled all over China.
I've held governor positions at 9 different counties,
by twisting up truths with lies, reals with fakes.
So, governor Ma...
Yes, go ahead.
He's talking to me!
Master Huang, please continue.
Just as I uncover the truth,
you blow your own cover!
A coincidence?
Come on, the saying goes: smiling faces crush grudges.
Give it a laugh, and it's all behind us now.
You want a truce with me?
Fine! Where's my body double?
Return him and we'll call it quits.
We've killed him.
Which son of a bitch told you to?
You son of a bitch told me to!
Shoot! You pull the trigger early, I can still kill you first!
Put it away!
Shoot! You shoot first, I can still kill you faster.
Put your guns down! On my count of 3.
1! 2! 3!
Master Huang, you put it down first!
He doesn't know how to behave, don't you know neither?
You are the most misbehaving!
When are you leaving to fight the bandits?
We aren't.
Can't leave the town without getting paid first.
Can't fight the bandits without leaving the town.
Master Huang, you aren't holding onto your words.
You said it fine at the dinner table,
you provide the inital fund,
the two families will follow.
But not only have you not put up any money,
you had your men dressed like bandits to mess with us. That ain't right!
Wrong! The bandits you saw, were my men.
The bandits I saw, were your men.
But when the others see these bandits,
they believed those were the real bandits.
This is the perfect time to ask them to choke up now!
Once I came forth, they must follow.
And your money?
Already prepared for you.
I have my money all over Goose Town.
All right here?
This is only half of it.
Each family will have to put up the same.
Uncle, it's a trap!
Trap?
We've been through so many confrontations,
he has not put up a dime.
Why so generous all of a sudden?
You think it's surprising?
Too surprising!
I surprised myself too!
Want to know why?
Come here.
I want to be...
the governor!
You?
What, you think I can't?
I don't look like a governor?
Sure! You're going to take our position at the moment we leave the town?
Goose Town?
I bought 6 counties governorships.
I can't be all at once by myself.
That is why...
Get out.
Leave us.
Ma, you will help me to rule three counties.
That is great, that's what I'm good at.
Wait, hold on!
Then, then what about me?
Well, you...
You can be a fake Pocky Zhang!
That's brilliant!
Since the last emperor dethroned,
Goose Town has seen 51 governors.
They were are worthless scumbags, pesting parasites, animals.
But this Ma BangDe governor,
he is not a worthless scambag, not an animal.
not a pesting parasite.
He will lead the troops himself today, to crush the bandits.
He is our great hero!
Advisor, please.
(reciting the chinese poetry)
We must rid ourselves of these bandits.
We don't have a choice.
Imagine, you are with your wife, getting out of the town,
eating hotpot and singing songs!
And suddenly you got robbed!
So, only the days without bandits,
are the good days!
Governor, please.
March!
Savior,
want to check this out?
Isn't that the warrant?
Read it out loud.
I hereby commision Ma BangDe... What's about it?
Keep reading!
Year eight of the Republic of china, august.
Read the letters you skipped, in the middle!
I hereby commision Ma BangDe to be the governor of Kang Town.
Wait, hold on.
This is killing me.
Kang Town?
Wasn't it Goose Town?
It was Kang Town all along!
You son of a...
You have to blame yourself!
You soaked me wet in the water, put that mask on your face!
Ticking me up with that clock, scared me shitless!
So I came up with the idea, led you to Goose Town.
What's their difference?
Kang Town is rich, Goose Town is dangerous.
Why did you lead me to Goose Town?
Because you are the man, you robbed a train!
Let me tell you.
There'd be only two scenarios once you stepped inside Goose Town.
Either, you are killed by Huang,
then I'll go to my Kang Town, act the governor.
Second, we sort out Huang instead,
like what's happening now.
Excellent! You really had me Ma BangDe.
You old lying bastard!
Sooner or later you will get yours by Pocky Zhang!
You gonna kill me? What'd you do without me?
You really believed I am Pocky Zhang?
If you aren't, then the real one is in these mountains.
Once he showed up, you and I will die.
Ambush!
Pocky Zhang!
Tell our men, spread out.
Don't shoot. Run towards the mountain top.
(Big bro orders: spread out, don't shoot)
(Run toward the mountain top, catch their leader)
Ten on the west side.
Six on the south side.
There's a whole bunch of them on the east side!
Tell No. 7 to find No. 3.
Take care of the west side first.
Fine! Now go!
(No. 7 to find No. 3, clear the west side)
(No. 7: I'm here)
(There are 11 of them, not 10)
(No problem, 4 for you, 7 for me)
(Clear!)
Message from No. 3, west side is clear.
This chirping of yours is like radio, pretty awesome!
Tell them...
Let No. 3 to find No. 4, get rid of the south side.
No. 7 come back to protect advisor!
(No. 3 to find No. 4, clear the south side)
(No. 7 come back to protect advisor)
(I am surrounded)
(Wait for my signale with the hat)
(You get the east half, I get the west half)
Big bro, No. 3 and No. 4 succeeded.
Big bro I'm here! Big bro I'm here!
Advisor is yours now, hurry!
Understood.
Advisor, hurry!
No. 3
It looks like No. 2.
Pocky Zhang is here.
Leave behind your money and your silver.
It's No. 2
Is he dead?
I'm gonna FUCK YOU UP!
Tell my brothes, head to the east.
Catch one alive, find out where their leader is.
I'm gonna fucking kill him myself!
(Head to the east, catch one alive!)
Head to the east.
Where's your leader?
To the north, the one with pocks all over his face.
North, on top of the mountain.
I'm not dead, am I?
No, you're still alive.
What do you want to say? I'll blow the whistle for you!
Whistle! Whistle!
How do you blow this?
Hurry!
Can you lead the way?
No, I can't run anymore!
I'll take you then.
I can't run anymore!
Didn't only your mouth get hurt?
You run with your feet not with your mouth!
(Big bro is dead! Big bro is dead!)
Big bro is dead?
You blew big bro is dead!
No. 5, you go check it out!
Big bro!
They said you are dead!
Fucking bullshit!
Am I not alive?
(Big bro is not dead!)
Where's the "fucking bullshit" part?
(Fucking bullshit! Fucking bullshit!)
Heard that?
That's saying "fucking bullshit!" to us!
Hold on.
They caught the fake pock-face.
You are Pocky Zhang?
How come you ain't got no pock on your face?
Whoever asks that question dies.
I got it! I take it back.
I got something real special here.
It's yours!
That's gotta worth my life, right?
Where are those two?
Will you spare me if I tell the truth?
Speak!
I chopped the big one, shorter than the short one!
And the short one?
She died of fright at the sight!
Advisor! Advisor!
Who asked you to pretend to me?
Master Huang!
Where you got the pocks from?
He burnt it.
How many governors have you robbed?
Will you spare me if I tell you?
Speak!
Five times! All five governors were killed by me.
Master Huang and I split the money.
What is that?
A silver umbrella of the governor I killed. I have four more.
- Which way to Shanxi? - All yours!
I know!
If I told you that'd worth my life, right?
Just fucking say it!
To the east! To the east!
Oh no! No! Don't! You mustn't go that road!
But Shanxi really is to our east.
East...
Are you really Pocky Zhang?
Yes, I am.
I'm about to die now.
Don't lie to me.
Don't worry.
I am really Pocky Zhang.
Pocky!
Ass...
My ass hurts.
Advisor.
Your ass is in the tree.
It won't hurt now.
In my ass pocket in that tree,
There are another five warrants.
They are all yours.
Listen to me, don't go back to Goose Town.
You are no match against Huang.
Take the money and leave.
Don't worry, I'm not going back.
Actually, there's 2 more things I lied to you.
It's okay, I don't mind.
No.
I must confess before I die.
Go ahead, what's first?
I... Can I start with the second thing?
Fine.
That guy... you remember?
I don't know.
Are you Tang
or are you Ma BangDe?
But you are gone now.
Pocky Zhang is gone as well.
Real ones are gone.
Fake ones are gone.
Brother,
I'm going to keep your governor's position.
My brothers!
Back to Goose Town.
This Pocky Zhang,
He killed the fake one,
got the money but he's not running away.
Does he really wants to have a final showdown with me?
Then we can ask for the government troops!
I've already sent Hu Bai over ask for help.
In 3 days, Leutenant Guo and his cavalry will arrive!
The governor swears to behead Huang!
Who doesn't want Huang dead!
Trafficing human, selling opium!
He killed five honest governors!
All the silver yours to take!
More treasure hidden in Huang's castle!
The governor swears within three days!
Kill Huang, revenge for Tang's death!
Giving all that money away to the poor.
This is a crime!
Your Master, he won't make it!
See, there's nothing living on the streets except those geese!
I will go find Hua Jie.
You go find me both Hua Jie and Huang's body double.
Must be back within three days!
What is this Pocky Zhang planning?
It doesn't matter, it's all bullshit!
All we gotta do is kill!
But he's said it publicly.
He will have my head in three days.
Lots of people have said lots of things!
Big bro, three days.
Only the four of us against Huang?
Correct!
And spead the word out already.
If you don't spread out the word, you won't make it happen.
What are our odds of winning?
Isn't 30% too risky?
I'm going to take a nap, you guys watch out over here.
South.
North.
I win!
Big bro, the money is all gone!
I see that.
We must have 40% chance now! 50%?
70%?
It can't be!
They have taken our money. Still 30% for us?
If they took the money this way,
then the money is pretty much wasted.
Send the chariots!
I'll show you how to "borrow arrows with a straw boat"!
Your Master, we just sent horses, not boats.
Idiot!
It's called a metaphor! Metaphor! Metaphor!
I know the "Chi Bi" reference!
Huang collected all the money back.
Now we don't even stand 10% chance to win.
(chinese hand sign for six)
Huang didn't even have to show his face,
and people handed over all of the money.
Where that 60% come from?
You got that right!
So why 60%?
Because they fear!
What's underneath the fear?
Anger!
I'm going to ignite all that anger within them.
Hold on to the firearms!
The money is waiting for you in the castle!
Hold on to the firearms!
The money is waiting for you in the castle!
Keep losing yet keep fighting!
I like that!
But those are guns! Shall we, send the chariots?
They took money because of greed!
If they take guns, that's revolt!
They don't have the balls for it!
Money is gone, now nobody pickup the guns.
What are we gonna do?
What are the odds now?
(chinese hand sign for seven)
Huang collected all the money.
Nobody wants our weapon!
Where's that 70% from?
If Huang hadn't taken the money, why would I have to give the guns!
I...
I'm going to take a nap.
East.
South.
I win!
I get it now.
It weren't guns that you gave away, it was anger!
Collect the guns!
You missed?
Let the bullets fly for a while.
Gunfire!
Look!
Pissed! They are all pissed off now!
Those lowly wretching fucking townspeople! How dare them?
With guns in hands, follow me!
Kill Huang, loot his castle!
With guns in hands, follow me!
Kill Huang, loot his castle!
Big bro, big bro, look!
Only they followed us here!
We got excited too early, nobody will help us!
I get it.
They will only side with the winners.
400 of Huang's men against the four of us, how are we gonna win?
Shoot! You can only win by shooting!
What to shoot at? There's only a steel gate here.
That's exactly what we shoot at!
How many men did they rallied up?
Just the four of them.
You're kidding!
Along with...
50 geese.
Great! Let them shoot!
Let them shoot all they want!
Big bro, sun's about to rise.
If No. 3 doesn't come back, we...
I know what you are thinking.
You know what an exclamation mark is?
Sure, sure.
Shoot me an exclamation mark on that gate.
Gotcha.
What's that? Where's the dot?
Way off.
Get away.
A hook stroke?
Keep watching.
A question mark!
If you can shoot straight,
you'll have nothing to worry!
Release all of your bullets,
through that question mark dot!
No problem!
Big bro!
Talk.
I'm back.
Exactly three days.
That's it.
- Where are they? - All over there.
Let's go!
Finally you are back!
I'm not him, I'm just an actor!
What happened?
He ran and I chased.
He ran and I chased him.
And eventually we ran far away.
He ran and I blocked.
He ran and I blocked him.
Now I got him back.
That simple?
Right, that simple!
Brothers!
To celebrate No. 3's return.
Release all your bullets!
Alright! Let's go!
What about me?
- And me? - Squat!
Does it sound like only four men?
Go, check it out!
Someone will die!
There will be fatalities!
At least one dead.
Up!
Brothers!
We've won, now triumph!
- Understood? - Understood!
- Repeat it. - We won! Triumph!
Make it theatrical!
Follow me!
Huang is captured!
Kill him!
Kill!
Oh fuck!
Shit, we're in trouble!
I'm the body double now.
To the castle! Retrieve what's belonged to you!
Follow me!
They took the castle down?
Right!
Huang is captured?
Right!
They took him for his double.
You destroyed his prestige and power.
What do we do with him now?
We save him?
Motherfucker, over there! Get over here!
Stand up straight!
My fellow townspeople!
Huang is indeed dead.
But he died too easily.
By that stupid governor.
Cut in half!
That wasn't just stupid, it was pure stupidity!
Is that fair?
NOT FAIR!
Does everybody okay with that?
NOT OKAY!
I'm not him.
I know you are his body double.
You enjoyed his life! You helped him with his dirty deeds!
You shall now, receive the punishment that he escaped.
And more!
I'm really not him.
Kneel down! Kneel! Kneel!
Don't test my temper!
I'll count to three.
1!
2!
1!
2!
What the?
Which son of a bitch?
Want your ass kicked again?
Your governor, am I annoying?
If I'm annoying, I'll disappear immidiately!
If I'm not annoying, I'll keep kicking his ass!
Very annoying.
Your governor, I shall excuse mysefl then!
Whenever you need me, just holla!
I'll be there!
Later! Later! Let's go!
So what have you planned next?
Stay in Goose Town to replace me?
I'm not a domesticated animal.
You are a beast of the wild.
The day you arrived, what if I came to welcome you myself,
instead of sending Hu Wan over to mess with you?
Would it be any different now?
It was a nice hat. I liked it.
It's not the finest. I have better ones at home.
Some other time I'll give them to you.
Thanks.
Everything's gone in a flash.
You defeated me and left me with nothing.
Nothing? Really? Master Huang,
as of now you are still smoking a cigarette,
you are still talking.
But Lil 6, No. 2, Tang and madam.
I can't hear their voices anymore.
Ever again.
Four of you,
in exchange for my five generations worth of family fortune.
Not a good deal?
How you cook your book is your own business.
To me,
money is money, life is life.
You could have kept the money.
But why you gave it all away to them?
Master Huang,
Let me ask you a question.
Go ahead!
What do you think, is money important to me,
or are you important to me?
Me.
Think again.
It can't be money?
Think twice.
I still think I'm more important.
Neither you nor money is important to me.
Then who's important?
To rid of you is more important.
You aren't looking for matches, are you?
No.
Then...
you were looking for this.
You are a classy man.
There's only one bullet.
That's enough.
Hold on.
You want me to bring Tang a message?
Yeah, tell him...
I owe him an apology.
I lied to him.
What did you lie to him?
I told him I wasn't gonna come back to Goose Town.
But I did.
You...
You should've hold on to your words.
Right, that's why I feel bad about it.
But to you,
I am going to hold on to my words.
Understood.
Governor, governor,
these two chairs belong to me now.
Big bro!
Easy. What is it?
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
You like Hua Jie, am I right?
Governor, governor!
I think I can reappear now.
I just heard everything.
He is not a classy man.
I gave him a pistol.
If he wants to act with class, leave him be.
If he doesn't, you are gonna help him act with class.
Understood!
I have nine methods to torture him to death!
Nine!
Go now.
Wait to hear my blast!
Yeah, something like that, what about it?
Please don't say that I told you.
Big bro, we are ready to leave for ShangHai.
Not going back to the moutains with me?
Still want to resume banditry?
You're not young anymore.
What you guys were just gonna leave without saying goodbye?
We are just about to say it.
I thought you wanted to join my crew and give away money?
Haven't we given it all away today?
Will there be anything nearly as exciting as today?
See, I'm already dressed up this way!
So it seems...
you've changed your mind?
That pretty much goes without saying.
No. 3, what are you up to?
I'm going to marry her on behalf of No. 2.
No. 2.
Big bro, I'm No. 3.
No. 3, when you were with me.
Were you not happy?
Of course!
It's just that...
a little bit nerve-wracking.
And the two of you?
Yeah, a little bit.
Uneasy.
No. 7?
Big bro!
Big bro! Big bro!
Girl,
hold your guns like this,
looks better.
A gift to you now.
Big bro, then we are going to leave ahead of you now!
Bye, big bro!
Leave!
Next time don't forget to say hey.
You take care of yourself, big bro!
Take care!
Goodbye!
Pocky Zhang!
No. 6, No. 2, advisor and madam...
Have you all seen it?
No. 3, are we going to ShangHai or PuDong?
No. 3, are we going to PuDong or ShangHai?
ShangHai is PuDong!
PuDong is ShangHai!